Don’t you like me? Banishing your fears of rejection

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Here you'll find my infrequent musings and reflections on all things that impact our beliefs and potential.

5 October 2020

We all have times when we don’t feel particularly comfortable with ourselves. Sometimes, you might wonder whether others actually like you. This is a normal part of being human. But you can rid yourself of these worries.

So what does fear of rejection look like, anyway?

You might feel scared about meeting new people or getting together with old friends. You think that people might reject you for one of a number of reasons. Maybe you think you’re having a bad hair day or those extra pounds you’ve put on have dampened your self-confidence. All these things can be part of fear of rejection.

Use these solid strategies to banish those fears:

1. Figure out what, specifically, you’re afraid of. Do you fear people will think you don’t know what you’re doing? Maybe you think that others believe you have nothing interesting to say. Are you afraid that you’ll say something silly and embarrass yourself?

· The point is that you must know exactly what it is that you fear before you try to tackle it.

2. Dispute your fear with facts. As an example, let’s say your fear is that you aren’t as smart as others. When was the last time you were graded on something? Chances are probably pretty good that you didn’t receive 100% failing grades.

· Acknowledge that there are times when you performed well. Write them down. Stick with reality when it comes to disputing your fears.

3. Let go of others’ responses to you. If someone doesn’t accept you, that’s their choice.Really, it’s okay if someone doesn’t think you’re smart. No one gets 100% acceptance 100% of the time. Admit that you can function just fine, live well, and excel, even if someone rejects you.

· Even if five people reject you today, your life is still going to go on however you’ve planned from this point.

· Before starting a new job or going to a social event, acknowledge you might encounter someone whom you believe doesn’t like you. You’ll also meet some people who dolike you. Also, recognise that you probably won’t know for sure one way or the other whether someone you just met likes you or not.

4. Apply the knowledge you have. What makes you like other people? Maybe you like people who show humour or smile a lot. Perhaps you gravitate toward those who are helpful and welcoming.

· Why not try displaying some of those pleasant characteristics that draw you to others? If you demonstrate the qualities that attract you to others, others will most likely be drawn to you as well.

5. Feel the fear and do it anyway. The best way to get rid of a fear is to repeat the behaviour that brings on the fear until you become comfortable and are no longer paralyzed by that fear.

· Follow through with attending parties, making the acquaintance of people, and facing your concerns. This is the single best way to learn that your fear is just a human emotion that you can overcome.

Banishing your fears of rejection is within your reach. Use what you know about what makes you like other people and let go of how others respond to you. Since fears are just emotions, you can face your worries and apprehensions. Doing so will bring you lasting confidence and satisfaction.

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