Simple steps to self-belief

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Here you'll find my infrequent musings and reflections on all things that impact our beliefs and potential.

6 May 2021

For a long time, I was crippled by self-doubt and lack of belief in myself. It showed up in everything I did. Following work with a fabulous company who encouraged my growth daily, and some powerful coaching, the realisation that it was in my gift to write the book of my life slapped me in the face like a cold kipper. The same goes for you. You are quite simply the only person who can be the author of the book of your life. If you’re not holding the pen, without doubt others will try to write for you. Empower yourself to own it and believe in yourself. This is the start of self-authority. Quite literally you become the author of your life.

So often we hear people utter the words, “believe in yourself.” It’s a common and well-meant piece of advice. But, without diving deeper into what it means, it can sit at the surface as something nice to hear, while leaving people scratching their head wondering just how they go about believing in themselves? It’s fair to say part of it is self-confidence, but let’s dig a little deeper and explore more meaning.

Becoming self-aware

Developing belief in ourselves means opening our awareness of self. That means looking at what we want to do or don’t want to do and understanding our capabilities. Deep down the answers to these are within us and when we believe in ourselves, we’re less likely to be pressured by others into doing something we don’t want. On the flip side no one can hold us back from something we know we can do.

Self-authority is trusting that nobody knows you like you know yourself. While outside perspective is important, you’re the only person in the world who truly knows your capabilities. With regular self-reflection, you can build unshakable self-belief. So true are the words ‘know thyself’.

But how do we get to know ourselves? You can start by exploring your strengths and weaknesses. Really challenge yourself and look at past successes – all of them, even the tiny little ones you might feel like bypassing. What went well and what didn’t? What did you learn from them? Get to know your values. What makes you happy? What makes you sad? Where have you felt uncomfortable? Only you can answer these questions.

How many people let opportunities slide only to feel some regret down the line – simply because they didn’t believe they could?

Building self-esteem

Just like a garden, we can grow our self-esteem. And just like weeds in a garden, the negative inner-chatter and stories we tell ourselves can start to show at any time.

The more we work on building our self-esteem the more we empower ourselves to achieve more in our lives. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

High self-esteem can help you communicate better, make you more decisive, earn you the respect of others, and allow you to maintain your integrity.

Believe in yourself

We might think of self-doubt as a parasite that eats away at our confidence. But in giving it that kind of power we’re communicating with our unconscious mind and reinforcing the self-doubt we feel. It’s far more helpful in developing our self-belief to notice your self-doubt as part of you that’s vulnerable and needs a little more support to heal.

There are some simple steps you can take to increase your self-esteem, starting from now:

1. Explore self-doubt. It’s a natural part of being human to feel doubt, just like joy, fear, sorrow and happiness.

It’s easier to move from the grip of self-doubt once we discover what’s at the core of it. This helps us stop the incessant inner chatter and enable clear progress towards our goals, with the positive knock-on effect of building our esteem.
The key is to get to the bottom of your insecurities and face your fears. List your fears down on paper and challenge the evidence – do you know anyone it’s happened to? What would you say to a friend with a similar fear?

2. Take stock of your fears. When you first write the list, your fears can seem many and scary. You’ve taken a clear step to write them down and they’re now staring at you in your own space.

Redo and record your list of fears daily, and watch the list shrink before your eyes as you challenge the evidence each day.

3. Notice and pay attention to your thoughts. Another way that you can grow self-confidence is to notice your internal chatter.

The words you use to describe yourself can keep your fears alive. Try reframing thoughts such as, “I won’t be good at this,” to, “How can I make myself better?”
The people you’re surrounded by impact how you live. When you’re surrounded by people showing toxic behaviours or not supporting you, it can impact what you tell yourself. Cutting ties with these people is difficult but you have to consider what’s best for you. Becoming assertive will allow you to help yourself and others.

4. Celebrate your successes. When you’re having a down day and full of self-doubt and lack of belief in yourself, it’s easy to focus on your perceived failures. When you flip the focus on to your successes, no matter how small, it brings about feelings of gratitude and helps tap into positive esteem. Once this happens, it’s easier to look at your perceived failures and identify what you can learn from them instead – developing your growth mindset and yep – you guessed it – building your self-esteem.

Nurturing a growth mindset also helps you recognise any opportunities that present themselves.

When you truly believe in yourself, you are stepping into your power and claiming self-authority. You trust in your own decision making and don’t let anyone limit your potential.

So go ahead and be the author of your life. Focus on your goals and remember, you deserve success.

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