Stop fearing failure and start succeeding

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Here you'll find my infrequent musings and reflections on all things that impact our beliefs and potential.

2 March 2022

Fearing failure affects every choice we make. It’s weird to think the fear can be helpful. But it can be a powerful motivator to do our best work.

That being said, it’s common to be impacted by a fear of failure in a negative way. It keeps us safe and helps us avoid getting hurt or looking silly. I’ve been known to change plans altogether in the past to avoid messing up. The problem with this though, is it stops us from growing. It limits our potential and we end up with regrets.

Failure is natural, and isn’t a bad thing. In fact the best lessons happen from failure. That’s why it stands for First Attempts In Learning.

Get comfortable with failure by:

1. Understanding it’s part of the process. If you’ve got something right first time, that’s great! It’s far more common to make mistakes when you do something the first time. When you start something new, expect to fail somewhere in the process. Keep going and make any adjustments needed until you succeed.

2. Knowing it’s temporary. We’ll fail at lots of different things throughout life. That doesn’t mean each one is permanent. The success will show up again as long as we choose to learn from the failure and don’t let it stop us.

3. Doing something meaningful. When we feel passionate enough and are motivated enough about the task at hand, we rarely feel fear.

4. Knowing it’s not personal. All it means when something goes wrong, is there’s a better way to do it. That’s it. It’s not about you as a person. Even the most talented people fail at things.

5. Staying present. When you’re in the present you can’t worry about the future. It’s only when you start thinking about a negative outcome (in the future) that you start becoming anxious. What’s real is what’s happening right now. The future isn’t here yet. If you’re going to think about the future, imagine success. At this very second, you’re okay. You’ll be okay in the next second, too.

6. Learning to enjoy fear. Fear is our brain’s way of telling us when our life is in danger. But if your life isn’t in danger, being afraid is a sign that you’re doing something new. Our brain wants to keep us safe, and the unknown of change can be scary. Only new behaviours will change your life. No one wants to live the same day repeatedly. That uncomfortable feeling is a sign that something amazing might happen.

7. Taking action. It’s easy to find yourself so scared you can’t actually do anything – you’ll have heard the phrase ‘paralyzed by fear’. People don’t start out that way and you weren’t born afraid of the things you fear today. But by giving in to fear, you teach your brain fear is an effective way to control your behaviour and on the back of that, it will continue keeping you scared because it knows it works – it keeps you safe. But it also stops you from growing. When you ignore your fears or challenge it and take action, the opposite happens. Your brain learns that the fear doesn’t impact your behaviour and over time the fears subside.

8. Looking ahead. Think of your life in 20 years – how will it be if you keep allowing your fears to take over your actions and therefore your life? Weigh up the feeling of a bit of discomfort as your grow through your fears now, versus possible deep regret later in life.

9. Learning from it. When you face a failure, look for the opportunities to learn. Sure failure can hurt, but the lessons you can get from it is worth its weight in gold. Often you just need to make a few small tweaks to turn that failure into success. Find that lesson and apply it to your next go.

Has the fear of failure had a negative impact on your life? I let it hold me back for a long time. It’s something that lots of people face during their lifetimes. But remember we create our own fears through the thoughts we think and the subsequent behaviours. You can choose your attitude – choose one that helps move you forward to success.

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